Wow. I totally almost forgot it was Monday. I had the day off because of Memorial Day, so really it felt more like Saturday.
Anyway, I promised I'd be back this Monday with another LLF post. So here it is!
Most people who know me know that I can be pretty stubborn at times. What can I say? When I set my mind on something, I pretty much stop at nothing to get it. Or not get it. Depends on what it is I set my mind on.
Anyway.
Despite my slightly stubborn nature, in the past 3 years I've changed my mind more than I have...ever.
And I'm not talking about things like what flavor ice cream I want. I'm talking major life decisions.
Exhibit A: My plan was always to go to college. I was going to go to a regular college for 4 years, probably away from home, and major in English or something similar. What I ended up doing was taking classes at a local college for one year, while taking online classes and tests for credit, and earning a B.A. in Liberal Studies one year after graduating high school.
I'm a conventional person who was set on doing college the conventional way. And for some weird reason, I changed my mind. I'm still not really sure why. It's very unlike me to a) change my mind and b) do things unconventionally.
Exhibit B: Okay, so I've actually changed my mind many times when it comes to my career. But in my defense, everything I planned on being before I turned 12 was completely unrealistic and doesn't count. Somewhere around age 12 I saw Legally Blonde and decided that I really wanted to be a lawyer. And I was SO SET on that.
Until one day I wasn't. I lost interest in being a lawyer. So I went to plan B: teacher. I didn't know why I wanted to be a teacher, I just needed a new plan A. (In fact, there was a time when the last thing I wanted to do was teach, but that's another story).
Exhibit C: Once I decided to become a teacher, I knew exactly where I wanted to teach: the private Christian school where I grew up and graduated from. It was a familiar environment. I had connections and I knew how it worked. It was home.
Once I started filling out applications, I decided to check out a few more places, just to have some options. My preference was still to stay in a private, Christian school.
The one place I didn't want to teach was public school. I've never been to public school. Public school scares me because I don't know what to expect. The last place I thought I would be teaching was public school.
Most of the job applications I've filled out have been for public schools. And I'm kind of hoping one of them hires me. And I'm really kind of surprised by that.
So as you can see, I've been changing my mind a lot lately. And the funny thing is, I don't really have any real reasons for it. For any of them. I just suddenly got these ideas and went for them.
Today I was having a conversation with myself (verbal processing -- very different from talking to myself), and I figured out three things. The first is that I want to be a teacher because I want to make a difference. The second is that I think I can best accomplish that goal in a public school.
I just figured this out. But I had already made these decisions. Which brings me to the third conclusion I came to in my heart-to-heart with myself: I'm finally learning to trust God.
I've always had trouble trusting in God. Also, I'm a planner. I've had my whole life planned out since I was like 4. Well, you know what they say about how to make God laugh -- tell him your plans.
Clearly my plans have changed. And as I already mentioned, I didn't know why. But I do now.
God changed my heart. He helped me to let go of my plans and helped me realize His. But more than that, He made more excited about His plans then I ever was about mine. He's showing me that He knows best and has my interests in mind and that I can totally trust Him.
Of course it's not totally set in stone yet. I don't have a job, so there's still a chance I won't end up in a public school. But regardless, I know that wherever I end up is exactly where God wanted me.
I can't wait to find out where that is.
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